When I started this blog, I promised the good, the bad, the ugly, the funny, the hard, the real. ALL THE THINGS. Well, tonight, as I type this, my kid is crying herself to sleep in her dads arms because mom isn't nursing her to sleep. So, right now, its hard. its. bad. its ugly. its real.
Ahh. I've cried a lot in the past week. So many tears, mostly from me, but now from her. She knows we are done nursing & she's not happy with it.
So, before we get into the why and the how. I want to explain our crazy breastfeeding journey! At 3.5 weeks old, Emily was projectile vomiting - to the point where I was sure she wasn't even staying hydrated. After visiting doctor after doctor, because I was tired of being told not worry - we realized she had an allergy. So, it was recommended to put her on formula. I didn't want to & she didn't take to a bottle, AT ALL. Still to this day does not enjoy ANY milk from a bottle or sippy. So, I cleared my system of dairy, soy, eggs, wheat, nuts, and seafood. After 7 weeks, it was very clear it was helping. Whatever she was allergic to, was out of my system. We both fought hard to keep nursing.
I couldn't pump until we knew the allergy was out of my system - but by then, she still hated bottles and I hadn't pumped in weeks. I didn't want to pump again. So, we nursed on demand. When she wanted food, she ate. I let my body make the amount of milk my girl needed. For 17 months, we nursed on demand.
Our nursing journey, though not what I ever imagined, was perfect for us. Oh, it was hard. There were so many nights rocking her to sleep, I just wished my husband could take over - for just one night. OR he could help for those 12-2 a.m. wake-ups! But I love what we did! I am so proud of us!
My goal was to nurse for 2 years. I thought we'd make it. We've done so great for 17 months - but I think it was time for her to move on. Last week was rough. Oh man. Killer week. She was SO fussy. ALL DAY. and wouldn't take a nap (if you're new - she usually doesn't nap, but sometimes I get lucky). I was exhausted. BUT to top if off, she decided that biting me was a good way to end our nursing sessions. She has done this before. & it would last a day or two and she would stop. This time was different, she knew it was wrong, she knew she wasn't supposed to be doing that, and would do it anyway.
I started by responding with a stern NO. Didn't make any difference in the world. We had to move to time-outs. The pain was unbearable. I dreaded nursing her. It needed to stop. Time-outs weren't helping. I told myself, on day 4, maybe 5, if she does it again tomorrow morning, we're weaning. Sure enough - so hard I was in tears.
I didn't want to wean, still not sure it's the best decision, but here we are, and we are committed. Our plan on how to wean also just evolved. There wasn't a set plan, but I knew I couldn't keep enduring that pain & having a, not so pleasant, interaction with my girl, several times a day because she kept biting me. We both deserve the best of each other.
She nursed for the last time yesterday morning. I pumped yesterday at lunch and last night. Today was the first whole day without nursing, EVER. I pumped this morning, at lunch, and will pump here soon! I will eventually pump less and less, OR so, that is the plan!
Each day seems to be a new, different struggle. I will keep you all updated everyday - I will update you tomorrow on our first 24 hours. How did it go? My kid is still not asleep - or finished crying, so, prayers appreciated.
Until next time, much love,
